Phantom Kicks
Today is the one year anniversary of the completion of this acrylic piece, and I thought now would be a good time to finally post it on my own site.
May of 2007 I suffered a placental abruption at twenty weeks and gave birth prematurely to a baby boy who lived for only an hour. If my pregnancy had been healthy and I carried him to term, I would be celebrating his first birthday this September. We were immediately blessed with another pregnancy after his death, and I now have a fat and happy six month old boy to keep his four year old brother busy.
Last fall when I completed this painting, I had emotions ranging from one end of the spectrum to the other. On one hand, there was the grief of a life lost, and on the other, the hope of one to come. I never stopped feeling little Jeremy Logan kick, a sensation some miscarriage/still birth/infant death survivors refer to as “phantom kicks,” and I really don’t know when I felt the real movement of the new baby. I carried him when I should have been pregnant with his brother. The above photo is how I worked out the duality sadness of and joy that I felt at that time.
September 26th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Your painting, and its description, move me to tears. Thank you for sharing them.
October 17th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
What a beautiful painting, and I am so sorry for your loss. I found your page because I was googling phantom baby kicks. My son was born prematurely and is in the NICU. He has been there 10 weeks, and I still feel phantom kicks all the time. I’m glad to find out that I’m not the only person who has experienced this sensation.
Thanks for sharing your painting and your story.
November 6th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
I love the painting. It makes my eyes water. I am looking at it trying to describe how I feel about it, all I can put into words is I love it. Beautiful.
November 10th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
I LOVE your painting. It says so much! Phantom kicks… never heard of them but definately had them after I lost my son. I also had so much more healing to do even after the birth of my now 3 yr old daughter. Thank you for sharing. Isnt it amazing to look back and see how much has changed and how much we have grown since experiencing such a tremendous loss. I feel both sad and appreciative all at the same time. Much Love and Peace
February 6th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
this is beautiful and moving. i am so sorry i never visit your website…but i did today and just want you to know how much i love you, and your lovely family.
love you love you love you